Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Ever haveone of those days...

... where your child acts like a complete and total poo? And then you think "What a horrible mother I am to be thinking that about my child. No wonder he's acting like a total poo, with a horrible mother like me". Then you remember the single episode of Supernanny you actually watched all the way through with that girl in England that leapt over the table and tried to scratch Jo Jo's face off and think that maybe that will be your kid in a few years and all the other moms will be watching your poo of a child on TV and feeling better about their parenting skills while Jo Jo tells you what a horrible mother you are. Yesterday was one of those days.

Henry has decided to take a stand and assert his power. Over Halloween of all things. Let me preface by saying that I delight in Halloween. I love it. For Henry's first Halloween I made him a Vegas Elvis costume. Gold lame in the legs of the white bell bottomed jumpsuit. Wide white collar. Hundreds of sequins. He was 3 months old. Last year he was a "chicken robot" complete with knobs, dials, rooster crown and glowing apparatus. I was looking forward to what he was going to come up with this year. I wasn't thrilled with the ghost thing, but whatever. Then yesterday happened. He refused to let me make his ghostie costume, which should be the easiest costume on Earth but is NOT! You can't just throw a sheet over the kid's head like on Charlie Brown. There is way too much fabric that bunches around the neck area. And it gave Henry a panic attack. So I went and got a couple of white pillow cases, thinking I could cut eye holes and arm holes and there wouldn't be that fabric bunch problem. Except that then he looked like the ghost of Gumby with a square ghostie head. So I sewed the corners of the pillow case down to make a ghostie head shaped top instead of that square. After prodding and wheedling for 20 minutes I finally got Henry to try it back on and to my dismay it was difficult to discern if he was a ghostie or a Klansman. Not the look I was going for. I tore up a white garbage bag and pinned the strips to the costume, giving it a shiny, flowy look. And then Henry announced that he would no longer be trying on the costume, would not be wearing the costume and in fact would not be trick or treating at all. He would stay in the classroom with Ms. Gina while the other kids did their little trick or treat (for healthy snacks of course) at school. And he wouldn't be attending our Halloween party later this afternoon, either. Candy be damned. So. I decided to get him all excited by letting him pick out the design for our Jack-O-Lantern from a book. Of course, he picked the most complicated freaking design on Earth, a sort of Jack-O-Lantern meets Phantom of the opera number. For the next hour and a half, I slaved away at The Thickest Pumpkin on the Face of the Planet trying to make it look somewhat like this design while Henry stabbed the discarded pumpkin top with a plastic "hole driller" (hole driller my ass, that thing couldn't drill a hole in a stick of butter) and renewed his stance on not participating in Halloween festivities. Finally. I finished the pumpkin. I took it outside. I scrounged through every drawer and came up with a long lost cherry scented votive candle and a lighter that actually worked (why we have 17 lighters that don't work is beyond me, but I just stuck them back in the drawer instead of throwing them out so there you go). I lit up the Jack-O-Lantern and made Henry close his eyes so I could present it to him with a flourish and see his face all aglow with wonder at how he was blessed with such an amazing mother who could carve his dreams out of an autumn squash. It ended up being more like I was dragging him to his death, but I got him out there nonetheless. As he took his wee little hand from his eyes, they did shine and he did smile. An "ahhhhhhh" escaped his mouth and he said "Mommy. I do want to go trick or treating tomorrow". Sweet victory! The hours I spent on that stupid ghostie costume were all worth it! He would appreciate how cool I made a ghostie be! I wouldn't be on Supernanny after all! And then he finished his thought: "I wanna be a pirate".



Kayla said...

haha..this has got to be by far my favorite entry you've done so far. I think mom's need to hear other mom's having issues with their kids to make us feel normal.

I'm glad Henry decided he finally wanted to go, however I'm bummed for you that your hard work was for nothing. :)

Oh well! Enjoy..

Susannah said...

that is too funny Amy, LOL!, I have to agree with Kayla on a super post! I hope y'all have fun trick-or-treating and that the party goes well! Ahoy matey to Henry! :) Susannah

Bikerpepe said...

Hi Sweetie,

Great post. I look forward to reading your blog every day. It never ceases to brighten up my day. Please make sure and post tons of pictures and give Henry a big hug for me.

Ramie's Mama said...

THAT is the funniest post EVAH! I'm cracking up. And now I'm emailing for my monthly plead-fest for some longies :)

Anonymous said...

I'm crying now...thanks! That's awesome, real, reading! Well, except all the "poo" ;) - I was glad to finally read that the real mom says "ass" too.

And Hendry looks like an awesome pirate. Stacie